Stumbled out the door as shamefully as I fell in; fast track to memories I'll never touch again. I was a ship at full sail, but never put out to sea; birds in creaking cages pretending to be free. Maybe I'll find new movement in having shaking clipped wings, perhaps like the purpose I found in life's most meaningless things. Dried, emptied, and put into place; the body of a former warm excuse with a white washed face. It's been at least three days now since I last left my bed; the feet I try to place on the ground just can't hold such a foolishly dense head. It's all in what I said. Honestly, all in what I said. I spoke of higher trees and beautiful, colorful branches; but I spoke too soon when all I planted were core-less seeds as worthless as ashes. Perhaps if I live to see another day, I'll sleep the pulsating shame out of my veins.
I cannot sleep, though..not a wink. It's a picture you gave me still that makes me think.
Maybe far too much, or maybe too little. I've always been a man too comfortable in the middle.
It was of promises I've made but still have not kept; now remains a vision of silence that surrounded as Jesus wept.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Foolish crumbs
A hand opens, releasing a fluttering rat into an open field. Malnourished from the tin can life, a sickly shadow follows close behind. Oh, what one tiny fool would do for a single crumb! Does humble rodent wish to sell his soul to sit with the portly kings? Would he rather give away his dignity to wear the silver lined robes of the rich? Or would he rather bite the throats of elders to claim their blood and disown his own? After all, do we not all have a portrait completely drawn out for what defines such a rat?
The thrones remain full, but the bodies remain empty. Little modest mouse, your only crown is the dirt of the earth. You are the shining star in the gutter, but who searches for shimmer in the glum and dumpsters?
Though your frame is thin, your heart is full. You are free, little one; but don't forget the hand that released you.
That's all it ever asked.
The thrones remain full, but the bodies remain empty. Little modest mouse, your only crown is the dirt of the earth. You are the shining star in the gutter, but who searches for shimmer in the glum and dumpsters?
Though your frame is thin, your heart is full. You are free, little one; but don't forget the hand that released you.
That's all it ever asked.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tolerance Delusion
I am at the end of my rope with my Christian brothers and sisters. Last night at work, I was tuning into some FM Christian talk station and they were talking about their rally against Proposition 8 aka the right for homosexuals to get married. In this rant, they said "We know people are going to think we are bigots, but we are just standing firm in the gospel of Jesus Christ.". Do these false prophets not realize what gospel even means? Nay, do they even understand what Jesus Christ means?
The gospel means "the good news". And Jesus Christ's good news was that of compassion for your fellow man. Universal acceptance and care, no matter who you are and what you believe.
Yes, the Old Testament does reference "no man shall lie in bed with another man" and that the sanctity of marriage should be between "man and woman". Is this the gospel of Jesus Christ Himself? No. The Old Testament is all but irrelevant since the times of Christ. Don't get me wrong, some of my favorite prayers and meditations have been in the Old Testament. But that's just it! I didn't just look into the word by word, I looked into the SPIRIT OF GOD whilst reading. These "fundamentalists" and their followers are creating this lukewarm and frankly CONDEMNING depiction of our Lord to the world.
That's another thing; people were calling in with their full support. They are having rallies. They are setting up websites. They have legions of followers for a message of hate masked as the gospel.
But you know what? I'm not just targeting them. I'm targeting even those Christians who DO support gay marriage. Who are "progressive" in their faith and are thought to be "very radical and liberal".
You say these things about yourself and you say you are tolerant. You support gay marriage, but yet you get offended when a Mosque is built in your town? You're a "radical thinker", but yet you scoff at the Mormon church?
Now ask yourself, is that really tolerance at all?
I say these things because my dear friends, I was one of them. But Jesus Himself said "A house divided against itself cannot stand". And lately, I have not been standing. I've been crushed by my own tolerance delusion. I've been crushed by my lukewarm depiction of faith.
This is why it is so easy to shit on Christianity. This is why we are such a joke. Because we are so damn FOOLISH!
We can turn back all of this, though. Really root yourself and get back to the core of the real living Christ. If someone asks you to walk one mile, walk two. If you owe someone ten bucks, give them twenty. If you see a veteran in a wheelchair outside wal-mart, greet him with a smile and a God bless you. If you see a stranger struggling, offer yourself for prayer or just a hug.
Yes, there are serial killers. Yes, there are rapists. Yes, there are corrupted government officials. Yes, this world is very very VERY messed up. But don't hate the people. Don't condemn the people. Hate the evil that has a hold of them. Evil holds no one form; hate its ambiguity. Pray for deliverance. Pray for movement. Intercession and all consuming Fire.
Realize who Jesus is, make Him your core desire, and go from there. The cobblestones will be laid down one by one, and your faith will strengthen. And someday, Christianity WILL reflect the teachings and the heart of God Himself.
We just need to wake up out of our delusion.
The gospel means "the good news". And Jesus Christ's good news was that of compassion for your fellow man. Universal acceptance and care, no matter who you are and what you believe.
Yes, the Old Testament does reference "no man shall lie in bed with another man" and that the sanctity of marriage should be between "man and woman". Is this the gospel of Jesus Christ Himself? No. The Old Testament is all but irrelevant since the times of Christ. Don't get me wrong, some of my favorite prayers and meditations have been in the Old Testament. But that's just it! I didn't just look into the word by word, I looked into the SPIRIT OF GOD whilst reading. These "fundamentalists" and their followers are creating this lukewarm and frankly CONDEMNING depiction of our Lord to the world.
That's another thing; people were calling in with their full support. They are having rallies. They are setting up websites. They have legions of followers for a message of hate masked as the gospel.
But you know what? I'm not just targeting them. I'm targeting even those Christians who DO support gay marriage. Who are "progressive" in their faith and are thought to be "very radical and liberal".
You say these things about yourself and you say you are tolerant. You support gay marriage, but yet you get offended when a Mosque is built in your town? You're a "radical thinker", but yet you scoff at the Mormon church?
Now ask yourself, is that really tolerance at all?
I say these things because my dear friends, I was one of them. But Jesus Himself said "A house divided against itself cannot stand". And lately, I have not been standing. I've been crushed by my own tolerance delusion. I've been crushed by my lukewarm depiction of faith.
This is why it is so easy to shit on Christianity. This is why we are such a joke. Because we are so damn FOOLISH!
We can turn back all of this, though. Really root yourself and get back to the core of the real living Christ. If someone asks you to walk one mile, walk two. If you owe someone ten bucks, give them twenty. If you see a veteran in a wheelchair outside wal-mart, greet him with a smile and a God bless you. If you see a stranger struggling, offer yourself for prayer or just a hug.
Yes, there are serial killers. Yes, there are rapists. Yes, there are corrupted government officials. Yes, this world is very very VERY messed up. But don't hate the people. Don't condemn the people. Hate the evil that has a hold of them. Evil holds no one form; hate its ambiguity. Pray for deliverance. Pray for movement. Intercession and all consuming Fire.
Realize who Jesus is, make Him your core desire, and go from there. The cobblestones will be laid down one by one, and your faith will strengthen. And someday, Christianity WILL reflect the teachings and the heart of God Himself.
We just need to wake up out of our delusion.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Perceptions
Before I go into any rambling, I would just like to mention that the inside of my head feels like a big ball of air. No pressure, no pain..just taking up space. So please, pardon any unintelligible dribbling that may take place.
Today moved at the speed of molasses and it is quite draining. Factory life has become as such: clock in, blur out in process for 8 hours, clock out. My mind is beginning to play tricks on me as I work by jumping to a variety of different thoughts at once. Second by second, I am pondering some piece of philosophy that has been grasped out of nothingness. I begin thinking critically of our perceptions; of God, of life, of humanity, of success and of exchange of love and hate amongst one another. All the while, my hands are moving a plastic back hatch into a holster to be spring hooked, bumpered, riveted and stickered. I have begun to move on two different planes at once: physical and the beyond.
Early into the shift, I began to think about my end of the product that is being made. Three workers are breaking their backs and sweating to make a mass supply of back hatch coolers for Jeep Cherokees for soccer moms to stuff them full of sandwiches and capri suns for Johnny's soccer game. Will any of them ever consider to think about the people who made that? I then realized that I was one of those people; using things and not even being thankful of the hands that crafted it. We are a society COMPLETELY based on this notion: we take, we seldom give, and we've stopped thinking as a majority.
Now, place yourself in the eyes of the Father. Billions upon billions upon billions of humanistic life forms, thankless for the Hands of creation. Living day by day, taking without thinking. We're too busy waging wars concerning our religions, our finances, and our pride. We've evolved into a world of thankless separation because of our perceptions. The Bible, VOID OF THE SPIRIT OF I AM, is just a book. Poems and accounts written by men who, just like us, more than likely had a bone to pick with one anothers perceptions. Lost and confused in the sands of time, ancient scriptures have been taken as a pile of puzzles into the hands of our deceitful ways.
Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Atheist..whatever belief SYSTEM you hold; we are all becoming self absorbed to the point of no return. But in the eyes and heart of our Creator, it's not too late.
We can turn back all this. We can turn back all that we've created that has brought nothing but damage to this plane of existence.
How?
Be thankful.
For what?
Being able to wake up in the morning..
That's at least a start.
Today moved at the speed of molasses and it is quite draining. Factory life has become as such: clock in, blur out in process for 8 hours, clock out. My mind is beginning to play tricks on me as I work by jumping to a variety of different thoughts at once. Second by second, I am pondering some piece of philosophy that has been grasped out of nothingness. I begin thinking critically of our perceptions; of God, of life, of humanity, of success and of exchange of love and hate amongst one another. All the while, my hands are moving a plastic back hatch into a holster to be spring hooked, bumpered, riveted and stickered. I have begun to move on two different planes at once: physical and the beyond.
Early into the shift, I began to think about my end of the product that is being made. Three workers are breaking their backs and sweating to make a mass supply of back hatch coolers for Jeep Cherokees for soccer moms to stuff them full of sandwiches and capri suns for Johnny's soccer game. Will any of them ever consider to think about the people who made that? I then realized that I was one of those people; using things and not even being thankful of the hands that crafted it. We are a society COMPLETELY based on this notion: we take, we seldom give, and we've stopped thinking as a majority.
Now, place yourself in the eyes of the Father. Billions upon billions upon billions of humanistic life forms, thankless for the Hands of creation. Living day by day, taking without thinking. We're too busy waging wars concerning our religions, our finances, and our pride. We've evolved into a world of thankless separation because of our perceptions. The Bible, VOID OF THE SPIRIT OF I AM, is just a book. Poems and accounts written by men who, just like us, more than likely had a bone to pick with one anothers perceptions. Lost and confused in the sands of time, ancient scriptures have been taken as a pile of puzzles into the hands of our deceitful ways.
Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Atheist..whatever belief SYSTEM you hold; we are all becoming self absorbed to the point of no return. But in the eyes and heart of our Creator, it's not too late.
We can turn back all this. We can turn back all that we've created that has brought nothing but damage to this plane of existence.
How?
Be thankful.
For what?
Being able to wake up in the morning..
That's at least a start.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Seasons changing
Today was quite brisk and it was beautiful. September is in full swing and autumn is among a hands grasp. The smells and the sounds are beginning to march through like a parade in my dreams. Confetti like leaves being blown from trumpets being blown by dancing pumpkins. They dance to the rhythm of the footsteps of aching toes creaking on cold sidewalks and the hum of twisting winds in our hair.
This is a sort of season in which I take my mental self to a figurative log cabin somewhere in the Yukon and simply reflect. My factory life has become another part of my motion for now, so I have the ability to go into auto-pilot and go to town with my plotting. I've learned that everyone at my job is just like me: hurting and struggling to get out of here alive. A good majority have given up and just spent the past 35 years in routine, others still wish to get the hell out of there. Either way, I have found more humanity in such a robotic process than I have around mainstream society in awhile. Just like this weather, I am finding this refreshing.
On the other side of the coin, there have been nights lately where I have lost my faith that Jesus is still around. I began waking up in cold sweats thinking that we have all missed the rapture and we are all just left to rot ourselves in our delusion. The youth movement is hitting some serious snags amongst its improvements, and it is creating a lot of earthquakes under the feet of my faith. Praise God for catching me after the shakes, because I need the warmth of the Almighty to calm my convulsions. I will also admit to all of you that though I have reaffirmed my belief in God, there were also nights where I began losing belief in ourselves. I have a sick and twisted mind, to which I am full of much shame and sorrow. The body of Christ seems to be amputating parts of itself left and right, creating so much separation that we are just a pile of fleshly mess. It makes me sick to my stomach just typing it out and thinking about it. But then again, this is a season of my reflection..so it'll be here to marinate for awhile.
Alas, the leaves still change color and the dusky skies still bring a tear to my eye. I am reminded through this season that though we are a hurting and struggling people, we have a fantastic and beautiful artist somewhere on the other side. In our shame, in our compromises, in our delusions; He still gives us a love that out burns any star and a beauty that is reflected on such a season. Somewhere, there is still a hope.
This is the time to find it, because things are only going to get bumpier.
May the wind hold constant and cool our weary brows,
Shlomodamus
This is a sort of season in which I take my mental self to a figurative log cabin somewhere in the Yukon and simply reflect. My factory life has become another part of my motion for now, so I have the ability to go into auto-pilot and go to town with my plotting. I've learned that everyone at my job is just like me: hurting and struggling to get out of here alive. A good majority have given up and just spent the past 35 years in routine, others still wish to get the hell out of there. Either way, I have found more humanity in such a robotic process than I have around mainstream society in awhile. Just like this weather, I am finding this refreshing.
On the other side of the coin, there have been nights lately where I have lost my faith that Jesus is still around. I began waking up in cold sweats thinking that we have all missed the rapture and we are all just left to rot ourselves in our delusion. The youth movement is hitting some serious snags amongst its improvements, and it is creating a lot of earthquakes under the feet of my faith. Praise God for catching me after the shakes, because I need the warmth of the Almighty to calm my convulsions. I will also admit to all of you that though I have reaffirmed my belief in God, there were also nights where I began losing belief in ourselves. I have a sick and twisted mind, to which I am full of much shame and sorrow. The body of Christ seems to be amputating parts of itself left and right, creating so much separation that we are just a pile of fleshly mess. It makes me sick to my stomach just typing it out and thinking about it. But then again, this is a season of my reflection..so it'll be here to marinate for awhile.
Alas, the leaves still change color and the dusky skies still bring a tear to my eye. I am reminded through this season that though we are a hurting and struggling people, we have a fantastic and beautiful artist somewhere on the other side. In our shame, in our compromises, in our delusions; He still gives us a love that out burns any star and a beauty that is reflected on such a season. Somewhere, there is still a hope.
This is the time to find it, because things are only going to get bumpier.
May the wind hold constant and cool our weary brows,
Shlomodamus
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A brief update from under the blue collar
Tonight was day three of chipping my ticket to the factory man for awhile until the next musical endeavor takes off into exploration. Needless to say, it has brought both the worst and the best from me. In my fits of frustration, I become this cursing and saliva spewing monster that absolutely wants to break everything and everyone in half. But on the other hand, I have become far more on point with my mental note taking.
More and more lately, I feel extremely pulled back from existence itself and feel as though I am peering into life through a window on the outside. My eyes are becoming a camera lens for those on the other side to spectate, but my body is tossed, turned and broken by the machines of this world. I'm typing this right now with scratched and irritated hands, who are longing to hold an instrument again. As cliche as it may sound, I am just not cut out for anything but my music. Call me a bum, call me lazy, call me what you will; I know who I am and what I am best at.
I am a vessel thats floating out on a turbulent sea, and the only thing that keeps my paddles sputtering is passion. If I am not passionate about something, I'm very apathetic towards that particular task or object. The only thing that gets me through walking out each and every night is this fact:
THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY.
My eyes are fixed on getting back on the streets and moving with the Spirit and singing songs, but in the mean time I am completely blown away by how humans work. The factory is clouded with crushed dreams floating aimlessly amongst the blood, sweat, and fears. Yes, fears. A fear of being presented as vulnerable to a rookie or another superior. A fear that this might be the rest of someones life. A fear that you just might not be strong enough to make it to the end of a shift.
There is so much false confidence in that place; it basks in a stew of machismo and terrible Taz tattoos. The old Ian would find this absolutely depressing and at parts, it admittedly is. But there is a new birth in my mind chambers, and that is to peer in more in depth into peoples lives. Not in some creepy BTK killer sort of way, but in a fashion of being fascinated by anyone struggling to keep afloat day by day. Our existence is just one ongoing web of networking. Each string of silk with its own story to tell and it is absolutely beautiful.
Perhaps one day I will get over my back pains and hatred for the blue collar job and realize that life is such a complex thing...to the point where a mind like mine shall always pull some lever of inspiration from SOMEWHERE in this life.
But with that being said, I'm going to go fall asleep for a few hours before I head back in for 'nother round.
Le sigh.
Until next time (whenever that is),
Shlomodoyle
More and more lately, I feel extremely pulled back from existence itself and feel as though I am peering into life through a window on the outside. My eyes are becoming a camera lens for those on the other side to spectate, but my body is tossed, turned and broken by the machines of this world. I'm typing this right now with scratched and irritated hands, who are longing to hold an instrument again. As cliche as it may sound, I am just not cut out for anything but my music. Call me a bum, call me lazy, call me what you will; I know who I am and what I am best at.
I am a vessel thats floating out on a turbulent sea, and the only thing that keeps my paddles sputtering is passion. If I am not passionate about something, I'm very apathetic towards that particular task or object. The only thing that gets me through walking out each and every night is this fact:
THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY.
My eyes are fixed on getting back on the streets and moving with the Spirit and singing songs, but in the mean time I am completely blown away by how humans work. The factory is clouded with crushed dreams floating aimlessly amongst the blood, sweat, and fears. Yes, fears. A fear of being presented as vulnerable to a rookie or another superior. A fear that this might be the rest of someones life. A fear that you just might not be strong enough to make it to the end of a shift.
There is so much false confidence in that place; it basks in a stew of machismo and terrible Taz tattoos. The old Ian would find this absolutely depressing and at parts, it admittedly is. But there is a new birth in my mind chambers, and that is to peer in more in depth into peoples lives. Not in some creepy BTK killer sort of way, but in a fashion of being fascinated by anyone struggling to keep afloat day by day. Our existence is just one ongoing web of networking. Each string of silk with its own story to tell and it is absolutely beautiful.
Perhaps one day I will get over my back pains and hatred for the blue collar job and realize that life is such a complex thing...to the point where a mind like mine shall always pull some lever of inspiration from SOMEWHERE in this life.
But with that being said, I'm going to go fall asleep for a few hours before I head back in for 'nother round.
Le sigh.
Until next time (whenever that is),
Shlomodoyle
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